Your values need to be verbs.
Pull out a pen and paper and start writing them down!
Today we’re talking about my god-awful track record with men. This is nothing new. My mom likes to remind me of this quite often, and she’s not wrong!
I feel like I talk about dating ad nauseam in these letters, but buckle up baby we’re talking about it again because I’m feeling slightly unhinged this week.
Also - if you’re one of my friends who have received a voice note or a phone call recently about this topic…I appreciate you more than you know.
But back to the trials and tribulations of my track record with men:
On Tuesday, I was sitting in my Branding class discussing what creates a cult-favorite brand that evolves with time. The answers varied:
You need to know your audience like a friend.
Be reactive and relevant.
Trust is imperative to success.
It was a fascinating conversation. What really turns a brand into something concrete instead of a trend, and lasts the test of time?
As the class started discussing the nuts and bolts of brand development, my professor turned on a video from author Simon Sinek about values.
Hate to say it, but this man really clocked me over the head with some of his talking points, and I fear they don’t just relate to branding.
Values are things you do. Values are things you live by. You cannot ‘do’ nouns.
When a brand lists its values as “innovation, respect, honesty,” what does that even mean?
You can’t ‘do’ innovation, but you can say ‘Our brand looks at the world from a different perspective.’
You can’t ‘do’ honesty, but you can say ‘Our brand always does the right thing’
Now, you might be sitting there thinking “Charlotte, I have literally no idea what you’re talking about, let alone how this ties into dating shitty men.”
Let me explain.
I’ve become really good at settling. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe because I like the idea of love so much that I’d rather have a crush on someone that I KNOW isn’t good for me, rather than wait for someone deserving of my time.
And the crazy part is that I haven’t properly dated someone in years!! I’ve just been wasting my time with undeserving men!
My old ballet teacher used to say “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” (I knowwwww this woman did not come up with this quote…however I will always equate the saying to her because of how many times she yelled this at me <3) When it’s vocalized like that, I understand the sentiment. And yet, sometimes it’s hard for me to stop this pattern of behavior.
So Mr. Sinek really shook some sense into me.
My values need to be verbs. These values need to be something I can hold myself and the rest of the world accountable to. I can build measurements around these values if they’re actions.
And so I sat down and wrote a list of everything I want in a future boyfriend, but I wrote all of them as verbs instead of nouns or adjectives.
I could have written smart, a hard worker, and loving, but instead,
I want to date someone who reads regularly.
I want to date someone that puts in more effort than required.
I want to date someone that prioritizes my needs.
The actual list I wrote is long. Like, embarrassingly long. Frankly, it’s embarrassing I’ve written this many words about dating in the first place! But I’m posting this anyway because maybe someone else needs to hear it.
My life feels so incredibly full. I love what I study. I love my work. I love my friends and family more than anything in this world. So the next man to walk into my life needs to be someone that adds something to my life, and never impedes it.
I’m not willing to settle because my values are verbs, and yours should be too.
